Woman rips ‘redneck’ dad in brutally honest, riotous obit

A Georgia woman tossed aside the old aphorism of not speaking ill of the dead – by roasting her late dad in a brutally honest, hilarious and heartfelt obituary about the “hard as nails, redneck, SOB.”

Hallia Milner held nothing back about her father, Kenneth Joseph Pluhar Jr., in the no-holds-barred obituary in the Alton Telegraph, where she shared the news that he died of sepsis on his 62^nd birthday March 2.

“This hard as nails, redneck, SOB finally found something meaner and more stubborn than himself,” she said.

“Like any good card-carrying, ray ban wearing, camo-coverall lovin’ redneck, Kenne had 3 true loves: hunting, fishing, and drinking,” she continued, using his nickname.

Milner said her dad liked “both kinds of music – country AND western,” then went on the skewer him about his serial marriages.

“Like every sad cowboy song, he couldn’t stay married, but that didn’t keep him from trying. Again. And again. He had a total of 4 legal marriages (and divorces) and one common law marriage under his belt — that we know of,” she said in her takedown tribute.

“His first marriage, to Tara (Gomez) Berry, produced his one and only child (again, that we know of), Halliea Milner, of whom he was extremely proud, mostly because she is almost as big of a pain in the ass as he was, and she kept the pain-in-the-ass line going by giving him his only grandchild, Sidnee Milner,” she wrote.

And the hits kept coming.

“He was preceded in death by his mother, Connie Sue (McKinnon) Donnelson, who, til the day he died, he called ‘his mommy’ — proof positive that even the biggest a–holes (jerks) have a soft side, you just may have to dig deeper to find it,” Milner wrote.

She said his father, “Kenneth Joseph Pluhar Sr., is still around, though, and was sure to teach Kenne the best ways to be emotionally unavailable and yet overly sensitive, all rolled into one.

“It’s a strong family trait passed down generation to generation. Sharing in the Pluhar family heritage are Kenne’s siblings – all of whom managed to out live him, which is no surprise seeing as he was equal parts dare devil and lush – I mean, seriously, he probably invented the phrase – ‘Hey, y’all, watch this,’” the daughter continued.

She also said the “outdoorsy” carpenter “was great at growing his own weed.”

Millner added that “Kenne was good at just about anything he tried to be good at and was wicked smart — but that didn’t stop him from trying his best to do absolutely nothing except drink, smoke, and listen to music.”

And in her announcement of a March 24 party to celebrate her old man’s life, she said “there will be food and beer that you don’t have to pay for (Kenne’s favorite).”

Millner told the “Today” show that she struggled to find a writer so she sat down and “let it out.”

“We were great friends,” she said on the show. “I remember him being upset with me only two times in my life — once when I was 7 and I (accidentally) punched him in the nose and again when I said he couldn’t leave the nursing home until he got oxygen in his house. He was more stern with other people but a very caring father.”

The celebration of his life is planned for 6 p.m. March 24 at Wood River Moose, 730 Wesley Drive, Wood River, Ilinois.

“I’m a little worried. I’m hoping we won’t have too many crashers,” Millner said, referring to the extensive coverage of her salty send-off.