New Jersey parents fight Gov. Phil Murphy’s gag on schools from telling them kids are trans

A grassroots fight over parental and transgender children’s rights is brewing in New Jersey—right in Governor Phil Murphy’s backyard.

The dispute will explode in court next week, when New Jersey’s attorney general tries to block guidelines put in place by three school districts to tell parents if their child is changing gender identity.

Among the districts is Middletown, the Monmouth County town where Gov. Murphy, a father of four, lives.

The three districts’ new policies would require the school to notify parents if their children formally wanted to change their gender identity, pronouns or name, use different bathrooms, or change the gender of teams they play in.

The shift puts the districts, which between them have 18,000 students, at loggerheads with New Jersey state guidelines, which say “there is no affirmative duty for any school district personnel to notify a student’s parent or guardian of the student’s gender identity or expression.”

The state said the new guidelines will lead to children being “outed.”

But parents told The Post they are absolutely behind the disclosure policy, including Caterina Skalaski, a mother of 3 from Middletown, New Jersey, who spoke at a heated school board meeting on the policy on June 20 wearing a shirt emblazoned with an emphatic message: “Leave the Kids Alone.”

“I do not, will not ever co-parent with the government,” Skalaski told The Post.

“If Murphy wants to co-parent then he should pay up and split some bills for my kids. He wasn’t present in the delivery room when they were born.

“I firmly believe that teachers choosing to withhold this type of information about my child is morally wrong,” she said, noting the school needs parental permission to administer medicine, watch a movie or give a specific snack.

“But they won’t come to us when it matters most?”

Skalaski, whose children range from second to seventh grades, claimed many pro-trans demonstrators at the meeting did not have an association with Middletown, a kindergarten through 12 district on the Jersey Shore with approximately 9,000 students across 16 schools.

“A vast majority of them were coming from outside of the district and don’t even have children there. It was intense. It was scary to see these activists come there and push their agenda.”

Laura Abt, a Middletown mother of two, also spoke in favor of the change.

“Everyone says this is a political battle between the left and the right. I’m not a political activist. I’m a mother trying to protect my two kids,” said Abt adding, “This isn’t anti-trans legislation. This is about parents’ rights.”

The issue of parental rights around a myriad of issues including transgender students has been bubbling up in school districts across the nation since covid lockdowns gave parents a window into public education.

It led to rallies demanding schools reopen, resistance to the use of critical race theory in the curriculum, and campaigns to boot progressive school board members.

The tidal wave of angry parents even helped Republican Glenn Younkin win the Virginia governor’s race in 2021 after Loudon County’s school board was accused of covering up a sexual assault of a female student in a high school bathroom by “a boy in a skirt.”

New Jersey is the latest battleground.

Less than 48 hours after the Middletown vote, state Attorney General Matthew Platkin filed lawsuits against Middletown and two K-8 districts, Manalapan-Englishtown and Marlboro, that adopted similar guidelines that same night. Both are in Monmouth County.

Back in May, the state also sued Hanover Township, in Morris County, which voted for a change in parental notification policies.

“‘Outing’ these students against their will poses serious mental health risks; threatens physical harm to students, including risking increased suicides; decreases the likelihood students will seek support; and shirks the District’s obligation to create a safe and supportive learning environment for all,” Platkin alleges in the lawsuit.

A judge will hear Platkin’s bid for an injunction against the three boards next Tuesday, August 15. Both sides agreed to withhold implementing it until the case is heard on Tuesday, so no parents have been informed about transgender children under it.

Last month Murphy dismissed the dispute on CBS News’ Face the Nation as “complete culture war.”

“Obviously, parents are the- the existential reality in the upbringing of any child without question,” said the governor, whose children have all graduated high school.

“But let’s not violate the constitutional and civil rights of precious young folks in many cases, who are coming to grips with life as they grow up and grow older, let’s be respectful of that.”

Middletown School Board vice president Jacqueline Tobacco and president Frank Capone said they were surprised by the state’s legal action and activist backlash, and accused critics of not having read the policy.

Tobacco called them “compassionate and student centered,” and said it does not ask for parental consent for children to change gender identity.

They argued the change was for both parental rights, and to reduce the district’s liability should a transgender child take their life or injure themselves and the school did not disclose their new gender identity to the parents.

Tobacco said the issue began bubbling up about a year ago, when the board was told that the schools were using the new names of children who had changed gender identity, but altering standardized tests when they were sent home to use their birth names.

The board was told, “We have to do that. We’re not allowed to let parents know,” Tobacco said.

At another meeting, the administration said that if a transgender child needs mental health services and does not want their parents to know, the parents were told it was “anxiety or depression,” which Tobacco called “duplicitous.”

While writing the new policy, they cited recommendations by famed transgender psychologist Erica Anderson. And Tobacco spoke to her personally.

“She has lived it as a trans woman, and she counsels kids. Her position that to eliminate parents from the situation is one of the most injurious things you can do for the child,” Tobacco said.

Tobacco said they also work with the Society for Prevention of Teen Suicide. “Their number one advice to reduce teen suicide is parental involvement.”

The school, under the new rules, will meet with the student, give them a chance to tell their parents on their own and “make every effort to ensure any disclosure is made in a way that reduces or eliminates the risk of harassment.” That can include counseling to “facilitate the family’s acceptance and support of the student’s transgender status.”

Marc Zitomer, an attorney for Marlboro School District, said the state’s guidelines made many parents “uncomfortable,” and that dozens of districts were watching the case.

“I’m a school board attorney and represent 50 plus districts. I have a multitude of clients waiting in the wings to do exactly what Middletown did,” he said.

One common refrain among critics of parental notification is that it can put transgender children at risk for suicide.

“You will have blood on your hands should a trans student takes their life because of this,” parent Michelle Collins told the board meeting in June NJ.com reported.

Capone, who has five children, four of whom attend Middletown schools from 1st through 12th grades, reiterated the importance of parental involvement and said: “It’s so disheartening to hear we are trying to hurt kids. The state is divorcing the parent from the child.”

Salaski said she’s speaking for not only herself but for many parents, who quietly root her on and fear speaking out themselves.

“Teachers’ responsibilities are to teach social studies, math, English and reading to my children. Schools should teach,” Salaski said. “And parents should parent their children.”