McDonald’s weird, new drive-thru experiment serves up one crappy meal

BOLINGBROOK, ILL. — CosMc’s, the bizarre drive-thru-only concept that McDonald’s launched late last week, does not come close to eclipsing the original.

The first-of-its-kind restaurant — which quietly opened Thursday in a strip mall in Bolingbrook, Illinois, about 30 miles outside of Chicago — features four drive-thru lanes but lacks any indoor dining and outdoor seating.

And there are no french fries or Big Macs — or any hamburgers at all. Sure, some McDonald’s classics, such as egg, sausage and bacon McMuffins and McFlurries, are available; however, the menu is otherwise heavy on sweet, sour and neon-colored beverages, plus two types of egg sandwiches and a bevy of desserts.

Overall, my multi-generational family of longtime McDonald’s eaters was not lovin’ it: the sugary sojourn was a time-consuming, palate-shocking trek that simply wasn’t worth it.

Before you go, it’s important to know that a vehicle is key to ordering at CosMc’s since there are no walk-up windows, either. However, CosMc’s promises on its website that online ordering is “coming soon!”

I enlisted my mom, a 71-year-old Long Island native, to drive the two-hour roundtrip from Chicago since I do not own a car.

When we arrived at 285 N. Weber Road shortly before 8 a.m. Tuesday, we were immediately confused by how to enter the drive-thru line. CosMc’s is next to a regular McDonald’s, and the signage is not clear.

Worse, yellow caution tape was put up to handle the crowds — people who visited the restaurant shortly after it opened said they waited hours for food — and it made the CosMc’s line look like a crime scene.

It seemed fitting that Bolingbrook police even helped direct traffic.

We waited nearly 30 minutes in the car to order, and once we did, it took us seven minutes to receive our eight drinks and seven food items. Like McDonald’s, a worker hands you the order through a drive-thru window.

The public can’t enter the boxy restaurant — I saw a few people try — and the glass appears to have a tint to it, adding a bit of mystery to the experience.

Diners can eat in their car in the strip mall parking lot — nothing says “ambiance” more than car exhaust — or perhaps try to bring the meal to the neighboring McDonald’s.

Either way, it’s an awkward move.

I passed the various drinks to my mom as she drove, which didn’t work out well, as she hated most of them. She found the sweet popping boba in the Chai Frappe Burst (small, $5.19) to be “interesting,” but said “Ewww” to the others.

The ginger in the Blueberry Ginger Boost ($4.69 for a small) was too overpowering, and the Barbie-pink Popping Pear Slush (small, $4.69) made her eyes water as she exclaimed, “Who is this for?”

McDonald’s, which announced the CosMc’s format in a July earnings call, hopes to tap into nostalgia as it challenges beverage giants Starbucks and Dunkin’.

It may take light years to get there.

Many of the drinks, like the Sour Cherry Energy Burst (small, $5.19), Tropical Spiceade (small, $4.39) and Sour Tango Lemonade (small, $4.39) are simply too sweet. (CosMc’s customers can additionally customize their drinks with boba, flavor syrups, energy or Vitamin C shots.)

And some of the menu items are utterly forgettable — like the Pretzel Bites ($3.99), Caramel Fudge Brownie ($3.39) and Blueberry Lemon Cookie Sundae ($4.89).

The Savory Hash Brown Bites ($2.39 for 4) also don’t live up to the McDonald’s favorite.

However, my 22-year-old stepson said he would order the Popping Pear Slush again — it’s topped with whipped cream and pink popping candy — because it’s a “fun drink,” as well as the McPops, which are fried dough filled with cookie butter, apple cinnamon or hazelnut ($3.79 for a mixed bag of three).

My 52-year-old husband — who says his “death row meal” is the sausage, egg and cheese McMuffin — gravitated toward the Creamy Avocado Tomatillo Sandwich ($4.99) and the Turmeric Spiced Latte ($4.39) because they are quirky standouts.

The queso in the Spicy Queso Sandwich ($4.99), meanwhile, was deemed too spicy for breakfast, while the Blueberry Ginger Boost was dismissed as “liquid pie filling.”

Chicago-based McDonald’s plans to open around 10 CosMc’s pilot locations across the Dallas-Fort Worth and San Antonio metro areas in Texas by the end of next year. 

The concept’s name is inspired by an orange, spacesuit-clad alien character that appeared in McDonald’s commercials and advertisements from the late 1980s to early 1990s.

Perhaps it’s time he came back to Earth.