Male penis enlargement is dangerous

Dear Gents,

It has come to my attention that you are all a little fragile when it comes to the size of your penis. Or in the words of Prince Harry, your “todger”.

According to a study, a whopping 60 percent of men are unhappy with the size of their manhood.

I was sent an email just this week from a beauty clinic informing me that ahead of Valentine’s Day they are advertising their latest solution for men that involves putting filler in your pecker.

I’m not joking. Men are now getting filler in their fella.

Now I can hardly laugh because, full disclosure, I get a teeny tiny bit of filler in my lips (on my face lol) once a year, so who am I to judge anyone getting the same procedure just a little further south.

Like me, if it makes you feel better about yourself then I say go for it.

But here is the thing …. And I say this with absolute honesty …. we do not care how big or wide it is. All we care about is if you know how to use it. Seriously.

In fact, I would go so far as saying I don’t want a big one. Lord the thought of it makes me squeeze my thighs together. I still get a nervous tic when I think of the guy I dated back in my 20s who many of you would think was #blessed with quite a large one.

I had to do breathing exercises just to calm my senses before we could even consider getting it on. Nope, give me a nice regular Frankfurt over a bratwurst any day.

So here’s the secret lads: It’s all about the C-word … confidence! Yes, as long as you’ve got confidence you’ve got a guaranteed good time.

If I were to give a trophy to the guy who gave me the best orgasm of my life, it would go to a guy I dated about five years ago.

He had a very normal-looking todger, if anything, perhaps on the shorter size, but he had skill you see. He knew the good angles, the warm-up techniques, and had perfected just the right amount of dirty talk to make the whole experience a 10/10.

I often look back at that time in my life and wonder what he is up to these days …

Anyway, hopefully you get my point. There is absolutely no need to go to extreme measures, and when I say extreme I mean seriously. There are some pretty bonkers options on offer for blokes who are worried about their size.

I know this because I couldn’t sleep the other night and found myself googling it into the early hours of the morning. Here are two of the most interesting ones:

1. Let’s start with filler in your fella …

So it turns out it’s quite a lot of money for a temporary fix. According to one medical website, to get filler (which is composed of hyaluronic acid) injected into your penile shaft for an increase in penile girth and flaccid penile length, you’re looking at anywhere between $5,000-$10,000, and it lasts about a year, unless your body rejects it. Yes you read that right.

Apparently, your body can decide it’s a no, and then nothing happens eek.

Other side-effects include dizziness, hypersensitivity, bruising – and if you go to someone not trained properly – you can also experience pain, infection, bruising and scarring or worst of all … erectile dysfunction!

If you’re going to spend the money lads, make sure you go to someone good!

2. Another option is penis enlargement via fat transfer

Yep, you can remove those pesky love handles and inject it in your todger.

Penis fat grafting (also called “fat transfer phalloplasty”) is being hailed as being able to provide a larger penis by transferring the patient’s own purified fat from one area of the body to the penile shaft. It’s like your body’s own natural filler.

As always, sorry to be a party pooper but the risks are still there. These include lumpiness, scarring, and here’s a scary one for you … a loss of penis, this can happen if the fat accidentally gets injected into blood vessels or infection occurs.

OK so the risks are truly terrifying.

So please guys, take my word for it, we really don’t care about size as much as you think we do! My best advice would be to listen to our moans, figure out what we like in bed, and focus on a good time. Confidence will get you far.