Inside Sandals’ born-again Dunn’s River resort in Jamaica

Fun fact … maybe the funnest: Jamaica’s is the only national flag in the world where you won’t find the colors red, white or blue. G’head and check — ChatGPT can corroborate.

It’s beyond apt for the British West Indies alum, class of ’62, with the biggest personality. While the rest of the tropics were overrun with tacky, American-grown all-inclusives, it staved off many (not all!) of the worst offenders.

That’s largely thanks to the dominance of one of the island’s OG all-ins — the one that did it right: Sandals.

With some 18,500 staffers strewn all over the New World — 98% of which are Caribbean nationals, including in the tippiest-top positions — four-decades-old Sandals Resorts International (SRI) might even have the Upper West Side beat when it comes to employing Jamaicans, aka the best hospitalogists in the game.

As the No. 1 job giver on the island, 7,600 to be precise, the resort’s very own Adam Stewart, executive chairman of SRI, and son of its founder, “Butch,” has been appointed “ambassador/special investment envoy for Jamaica,” by Prime Minister Andrew Holness, “to drive innovation, investment and economic growth.”

And oh so stubbornly and fiercely protective of their island’s identity Stewart and his fellow country peeps are.

Little wonder the privately and wholly Jamaican-owned chain is the alpha dog ’round these parts, welcoming over a million of what they cultishly (in a good way) call “loyal family members” to its sweet 16 Caribbean- and Bahamian-based outposts each year.

Errr, now make that an even sweeter 17.

Last May, if you happened to catch Shaggy on the counter, or in the shower, even on the bathroom floor, Mr. Lover Lover was simply ushering in one of the 260 rooms of the top-to-bottom renovated, revamped and wholly born-again Sandals Dunn’s River — SRI’s newest resort in fish- and flora-filled Ocho Rios on Ja’s lush northern coast.

Named for the area’s world-renowned falls and stream, the 25-acre property was initially added to the brand’s portfolio in dawn of the ’90s, but Sandals ditched it in 2010, only to hot-potato between clumsier hands until the brand mercifully decided to scoop it back up during COVID for a reboot.

“This is the place where everything began for Sandals Resorts, and from where we stand, it’s a stunning representation of where we’re headed,” wrote Stewart in a rare sentimental PR missive. “Sandals Dunn’s River is the continuation of my father’s journey to better … a hero’s tale about an ambitious boy who began selling fish to local resorts and how he went on to change how people prefer to vacation, making Jamaica and the Caribbean the centerpiece of his efforts.”

Tissue, please and thank you. How romantic, very fantastic — and when it comes to becoming Ja’s most boombastic, Sandals Dunn’s River 2.0 is a shoe-in. Here’s why:

Good things come to those who wade

A great big bowl of hydro awaits you here, and we ain’t talkin’ ganj: Dunn’s River is the official keeper of the island’s largest pool. At 18,600 square feet, it’s one of five on the property, all of which sip from the resort’s surrounding mineral-rich waters, as does Dunn’s prized Red Lane Spa.

And no need to ever Usain Bolt yourself out of the pool for fear of kiddos cannonballing — because … what kids? These here waters, as with the rest of the resort, are adults-only.

The butler(s) did it

If you’re one of Sandals’ more, erm, well-heeled stayers-at, there are three flavors of top-shelf accommo to try (75 of the 260 units are such, by the way), each butlered by a Jamaican Jeeves.

The brand-new Tufa SkyPool butler suites features glass panels as long as the balconies themselves for an infinity pool effect (from $1,784 a night). The Mammee Bay beachfront butler suites, meanwhile, have balconies overlooking the sea equipped with tranquility tubs, bruv (from $1,410).

But if you really, really want to get high, book a stay in one of Coyoba Sky Villa Rondoval butler suites with private pools and open-air rooftops, where you can order up a Stargazing Concierge who’ll bring you desserts, wine, cheeses and, oh yeah, a telescope to Tom-peep on the heavens above (from $1,900).

Isle have what she’s having

There is life beyond roti — allegedly? Dunn’s River will attempt to expand your Jamaican-me-hangry horizons a smidge with a dozen toothsome international ops, ranging from Greek concept Edessa and Asian-fusion Banyu, to the French-frying L’Amande and SoHem-styled Zuka. But, um, about that local nosh …? Have no fear, the Jerk Shack has your back. At sunset (or sunrise, no judgments) rays the roof while raising a glass at Ocarina, SRI’s first rooftop bar in Jamaica (about damn time).   

Their roots are showing

Amy Laskin isn’t afraid of soiling herself in public. She’s a local artist whose uniquely locally inspired landscape and floral artwork is hung in the lobby bar where guests gather at the piano. Joining her in the ground game is Ammoy Smith, an artist who scavenges natural materials like coffee beans, seashells and burlap to create likewise ogle-at-but-kindly-don’t-touch works.

The open-air lobby also moonlights as a gallery for award-winning design studio Plant the Future, known for their iconic moss artwork (collabing with brands like Jonathan Adler, Mercedes and One Hotel), marrying live plants and natural materials with all sorts of repurposed miscellany.

Gotta stay fly

Kingston: You can’t live with it … pass the Red Stripe nuts. As much as we actually do love the country’s acquired taste of a capital, we’re A-OK with American Airlines’ direct service from Miami to Ochi that totally snubs it. Of course, that still means you have to deal with MIA, so the voyage won’t be completely without its stygian moments. Still, worth it.

Rooms start at $389 per person, per night; Sandals.com/dunns-river