German newspaper blames soccer WAGs for not enough World Cup partying

December 3, 2022

Germany’s national newspaper has an explanation for their teams’ shocking early exit from the World Cup: the players’ wives and girlfriends.

Bild, the country’s paper of record, asked “What’s wrong with our Wags?” after Germany was eliminated on Thursday. Their significant others, according to Bild, didn’t enjoy themselves enough in Qatar.

Kevin Trapp’s Brazilian fiancee Izabel Goulart.

Thomas Mueller of Germany gives his team instructions during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Group E match between Costa Rica and Germany at Al Bayt Stadium on December 1, 2022 in Al Khor, Qatar. — Thomas Mueller called Germany’s loss a catastrophe.

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The German wives and girlfriends, they claimed, had much less fun than the partners of England and Wales, who could “drink Qatar dry.”

“Not thirsty?” the paper asked. “Dancing leg allergy? Don’t feel like lunging?”

“Be happy that you too are now flying home with your football dwarves!” Bild concluded. “It can’t go on like this…”

The Germans were sent packing on Thursday after finishing third in Group E, despite their final game 4-2 victory over Costa Rica – with Japan and Spain advancing.

It’s the second straight World Cup the four-time champions have been eliminated during the group stage.

German soccer star Thomas Müller called their performance “an absolute catastrophe.”