8 ways parents can build a better relationship with children

May 8, 2024

Maybe it’s time to move chess club off the schedule.

The more structured extracurricular activities a child has, the greater the chance they will exhibit negative behaviors such as having trouble concentrating, getting easily distracted, and fighting with other children, a new study finds.

Parents should lighten the activity load by participating in “free playtime” with their kids — a move that could reduce the likelihood they’ll develop anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions.

That’s one of the key findings of an Ohio State University study released Wednesday that links parental burnout and harsh parenting practices to a higher incidence of mental health problems in children.

“We have high expectations for ourselves as parents; we have high expectations for what our kids should be doing,” said Kate Gawlik, one of the lead researchers on the study. “Then on the flipside, you’re comparing yourself to other people, other families, and there’s a lot of judgment that goes on. And whether it’s intended or not, it’s still there.”

57% of parents reported burnout in an online survey of 722 caregivers that Ohio State conducted last summer.

The researchers discovered a vicious cycle — parents of a child with a mental health disorder disclosed a higher level of burnout and a greater likelihood they would insult, criticize, scream at, curse at and/or spank the child. This negative parenting style is associated with more mental health problems for the child.

“When parents are burned out, they have more depression, anxiety and stress, but their children also do behaviorally and emotionally worse,” said Bernadette Melnyk, vice president for health promotion and chief wellness officer at Ohio State. “So it’s super important to face your true story if you’re burning out as a parent and do something about it for better self-care.”

As part of a 2022 study about parental burnout during the COVID-19 pandemic, Gawlik and Melnyk developed the Working Parent Burnout Scale for parents to measure their burnout based on their answers to a 10-point survey.

Recommendations for parents suffering burnout include setting aside time every day to do something for their mental health, decreasing stressors, and considering seeking help.

“Parents do a great job caring for their children and everybody else, but they often don’t prioritize their own self-care,” Melnyk explained. “As parents, we can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. If children see their parents taking good self-care, the chances are they’re going to grow up with that value as well. It has a ripple effect to the children and to the entire family.”

Gawlik and Melnyk endorse the positive parenting approach, which involves building parent-child relationships through listening and communication, mutual respect and trust, consistent boundaries, empathy, positive reinforcement, and unconditional love and support.