How to ‘unsubscribe’ from the stuff in your life you don’t need

Filmmaker Julio Vincent Gambuto had spent more than a decade hustling for projects, networking, and flying back and forth from New York City to California to maintain his fabulous lifestyle. 

That all screeched to a halt in 2020, with the coronavirus pandemic.

But Gambuto didn’t miss the relentless whir of his previous life.

He realized he was overworked, overbooked, and unhappy.

So he dropped out.

He unsubscribed from everything: automated emails, social media, values, and even relationships, in an effort to get back his life and rediscover what truly matters. 

He details it all in his new book, “Please Unsubscribe, Thanks! How to Take Back Our Time, Attention, and Purpose in a World Designed to Bury Us in Bulls–t” (Avid Reader Press), a radical guide to navigating the relentless noise that has taken over modern life.

This whole process of “unsubscribing” started during the pandemic when you got this email about a sale from J. Crew. Why?

Julio Vincent Gambuto: At the beginning of the pandemic, most retail brands had been emailing about the emergency, like “Make sure you wash your hands.”

It wasn’t necessarily anything in that J. Crew email that was all that offensive — it was just the switch back to selling a few weeks later when clearly the pandemic was not over and had clearly gotten worse.

I found it infuriating.

Why is it important to opt out of branded emails and promos?

One, it makes your inbox a more private space. If you can truly get rid of the interruption and the constant pinging in your inbox, you take back what is private and what is yours about the experience of email.

Many of us start our days with email. If we can kick off our day in a way that’s not invaded by constant marketing, we might have calmer days.

You then unsubscribe from what you call the “big forces”: media, political parties, and tech. You get off social media and even unplug your TV.

After unsubscribing from emails, I got excited by what might be on the other side.

What would it be like if I just came off of all of it and started over?

What would it be like to get to a point where I haven’t heard from the Democratic Party in three weeks, or I haven’t watched the news in the day?

What do you get back in your day and in the rhythm of your life when you take out these things?

The process of unsubscribing is important in re-centering the things that matter.

For me, it was a relationship. It was putting my family into the day-to-day.

It was making sure I was a better neighbor, taking care of my body. And then I could put the rest back in, but in a place where it fit.

You did this process with the people, too. You cleared your calendar and didn’t see anyone — what did you discover?

It became clear that I was spending a lot of time and energy and emotional resources on a few people who were constantly demanding them, either on my screen or in my day-to-day.

That one business associate that takes up too much time and space, that one family member who is just constant.  

At some point, I realized I didn’t choose them to be there — or I did choose them to be there, but I was kind of just on autopilot. I had sort of allowed them to take up that much space years ago. 

It’s one thing to unsubscribe from emails, but what about work?

The thing that’s important is to make the decision: Do you want to unsubscribe from work, or do you want to unsubscribe at work?

If you unsubscribe from work, you’ve made the decision that it’s important enough for you to make a big change and leave your job. But that’s not always practical for people. 

There are ways that you can unsubscribe at work.

First, how might I unsubscribe at a surface level? What are the things on my phone and in my contacts and in Slack [that are invading my life]?

Second, how can I unsubscribe with respect to some of the people and institutions and groups that are constantly flooding my time and space?

And third, really thinking and spending some time understanding how I feel about my job. How do I buy into this idea that it is my identity, and can I challenge that?

What’s your life like now?

I don’t necessarily live off the grid. I just have more control over my day.

I use a different type of phone, with limited apps. I’m on social media twice a week now. Life is slower.

When I meet up with a friend, I schedule it in my calendar for three or four hours instead of 45 minutes. I travel less. I spend less. I read books. I go for walks.

How have your family and friends reacted?

They think I’m crazy! But I’m really happy when people call and say, “Hey, I took Instagram off my phone, I only look at it on my laptop now.” Or, “Yesterday, I went out to lunch, and I left my phone home.”