Victoria’s Secret lingerie spectacular is back — and woke

Victoria’s newest secret is out: the bra giant is bringing back its lingerie spectacular, which made it a trailblazing juggernaut with a monopoly on the unmentionables space.

It also contributed to the brand’s near downfall as it got caught flat-footed in a changing world.

With Victoria’s Secret spending the last few years in a state of self-flagellation, expect more self-congratulatory lectures when the fashion show returns.

Perhaps it’s best to let fallen angels lie.

When it first debuted in 1995, the VS catwalk featured impossibly fit models in over-the-top sparkly costumes — and cemented our cultural ideal of sexy.

Along with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, the network special became the industry’s most coveted gig, launching careers and names such as Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks and Alessandra Ambrosio into another stratosphere.

In 2019, the company hit pause amid poor ratings for the show — and fallout from the #MeToo tsunami.

Then-CEO Les Wexner had very strong ties to now-deceased sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein. And Ed Razek, the creative puppet master behind the show, was blasted for sexist behavior and selling a male sexual fantasy while also shutting out models who didn’t fit the Angels mold.

Other lingerie companies embracing body diversity popped up. Rihanna’s Fenty captured the cultural conversation by holding a show with a range of unlikely catwalkers. Lizzo and Kim Kardashian would go on to launch shapewear brands.

Suddenly, Victoria’s Secret was a near-extinct dinosaur in a land it once ruled.

And so it employed the cancellation redemption playbook by putting itself into the penalty box and reshuffling behind the scenes. Razek left and more women were added to top roles. The vaunted Angels were dropped.

Soon, it became more popular for models to blast the brand instead of begging to be a part of it.

In place of the leggy celestial ladies, a “VS collective” was formed, made up of “accomplished women who share a common passion to drive positive change.”

The group included tennis player Naomi Osaka, Brazilian transgender model Valentina Sampaio, plus-size model Paloma Elsesser and journalist Amanda de Cadenet, who hosts a female-centric podcast for the brand.

These newly paid spokespeople doubled as dominatrixes who publicly flogged the old VS ideal. Soccer star and VS ambassador Megan Rapinoe told the New York Times that the lingerie giant’s previous message was “really harmful.”

And also: “patriarchal, sexist, viewing not just what it meant to be sexy but what the clothes were trying to accomplish through a male lens and through what men desired. And it was very much marketed toward younger women.”

And here we thought we were simply purchasing underwear, not buying our way into subjugation.

Meanwhile, Bella Hadid came back into the fold after accusing Razek of making inappropriate comments about her assets.

“We’re just grateful for how we feel supported now, instead of how we used to feel, when it was a lingerie company that used to be run by men for men,” she said in 2021. “I just look around [on set] and I feel empowered again. I feel empowered in lingerie, instead of feeling like my body is some sort of money maker.”

Except that your body is a money maker. In fact, at this point, it’s a cash cow. Maybe the suits are just nicer about it to your face. The company is using your body and your social media, where you show off your goods, to sell underwear.

They are not running a women’s empowerment charity, trying to heal the the blind or reduce homelessness.

Your bottom exists for their bottom line.

Sure, rebranding was necessary. The company was dated, mired in controversy and had lost touch with the consumer. And sales reflected that.

But infusing some sort of morality into a thong is pure pandering.

I don’t need a manifesto with my bra. I just hope it holds the girls up and doesn’t drain my savings.

As for the show, it’s now a very crowded field.

Maybe it will make for a compelling tale of redemption. But if the brand’s consumerism masquerading as feminism is any indication, my expectations are low.